Posted by Men Secrets on Dec 30, 2008 in
Relationships Teenagers and adults tend to handle things differently in certain situations, and dealing with breakups is absolutely no exception. Some of the greatest advice that can be offered to teenagers dealing with breakups can be found online, because there are teenagers all over the world that are learning the lessons of love the hard way, by losing the people they cared about to breakups.
If you are a teenager and you have been recently separated from your boyfriend or your girlfriend, then you are probably feeling heartbroken right now, which is simply expected no matter how old you are. Luckily, you have plenty of living ahead of you, and you will meet a surprising number of suitors in your life that are better suited for you. Everyone goes through love and loss, and while it is unpleasant to begin so young, you can and will move on from this moment of heartbreak.
Here is some basic advice for teens dealing with breakups and the associated heartbreak.
- Do not try to rekindle things with your ex right away. The best way to show your ex that you are worth getting back together with is to play it cool and let him or her think that you’re doing just fine without them. Play it cool by acting like you’re having fun and hanging out with people, and that you do not need your ex to enjoy yourself.
- The initial period of time that occurs after a breakup can be rough, and you might feel tempted to get back with your ex, but you need to let your emotions simmer first so as to come off as calm and cool rather than needy and desperate. If you act desperately, this will actually greatly diminish your ability to get things going with your ex again in the future.
- The best plan to follow is to stop constantly calling, texting and trying to see your ex. Move on, or at least facilitate the appearance that you are moving on. Play hard to get. Play it cool. Let your ex develop the needy and desperate feelings rather than exhibiting them yourself.
- Get out of the house and see other people. Spend time with friends, meet new people, and have fun. Let your ex see that you are having fun and getting along fine. Don’t be afraid to flirt a little.
This will work wonders for your self esteem and your hurt feelings, and will create a little bit of jealousy in your ex. Let your ex simmer for a while, and you will start looking much more attractive to him or her in no time at all.
However, a word of caution with this particular word of advice, for teens dealing with breakups; don’t overdo the “jealousy factor” as it can easily backfire on you.
- Take things slow. Even if your intention is to get things going with your ex, the breakup is going to have created residual feelings of heartbreak, so you need to mend your heart before you strike up any relationship, ex or not.
To sum up this advice for teens dealing with breakups, use your common sense and keep your emotions under control. By doing so you will find that time will be your best friend as your heart heals.
Tags: Breakups, Teens
Posted by Men Secrets on Dec 29, 2008 in
Relationships Have you been looking for advice on how to save a marriage, but can’t seem to find anything more than vague tips about learning communication skills, not criticizing, forgiving each other? Well, sure, those things are great, but there’s a lot you can do today to make things better.
While most of these steps for how to save a marriage take some time, they’re all things you can start doing right now.
Have a cooling down period!
Whether your spouse has just told you they want a divorce or you’ve been talking about it for a while, a cooling down period will do you both some good. Take about a week to get away from each other and gather your thoughts. This is no time to make a laundry list of your “future ex’s” faults, though! Instead, focus on remembering why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place and think through some calm, respectful ways to address the problems when you see each other again.
Work on your own issues!
Yes, you have issues, too. Sorry. And these aren’t just issues between you and your spouse, but issues related to any emotional baggage you brought into the marriage, too. If you’re taking a cooling off period, that’s a great time to work on these problems, although you shouldn’t expect to resolve any deep issues in such a short time.
Keep in mind, too, that you need to be careful about assigning blame, especially if your spouse has been violent or verbally abusive. While many therapists who understand how to save a marriage will remind you it “takes two to tango,” don’t start thinking you “made” your partner act a certain way.
Resolve conflicts!
If you’ve already taken your cooling off period and given some serious thought to how you might be contributing to the conflict, set aside a few uninterrupted hours (read: get a babysitter) to talk things over. If it seems like you always end up in shouting matches every time you try to work things out, you might want to do this in a marriage counselor’s office. A neutral third party knowledgeable about how to save a marriage can really help keep things sane so you can make some real progress.
Spend quality time with each other!
Not spending enough quality time together is often what starts marital problems in the first place. Then once the marriage is really on the rocks, you spend more and more time apart. Fortunately, it’s an easy trend to reverse. Find something you both enjoy doing, as long as you can chat with each other while doing it, and schedule a time for the activity at least twice a week.
Be Patient!
Most truly useful advice on, “how to save a marriage”, won’t give you quick fixes that you can get done in one day, but a lot will give you tactics you can at least try out right away. Whether you think you need a short break from your spouse to ease tensions or you just need to focus on each other a little more to keep things from really falling apart, there’s always something you can do today to get started in the right direction. The important thing is to take action now and not waste
any more time hoping things will get better on their own.
Tags: Save A Marriage, save marr, save marriage, save my marriage
Posted by Men Secrets on Dec 28, 2008 in
Relationships How many times have you seen one of your friends break up with a long-term partner only to find, the very next week, someone who was obviously all wrong for them? It’s one of the most common after effects of the end of relationships: rebound dating.
The idea of rebound relationships is so ingrained into the way we think about dating that it just seems natural to look for one after a breakup. There’s something to be said for getting “back in the saddle,” choosing a partner when your judgment is clouded usually does more harm than good overall. If you want to get over your ex fast, there are better ways to do it.
Band-Aid relationships: rebound mindset
The first step to keeping yourself from doing something you’ll regret is to take an honest look at what you’re feeling and understand how those feelings can lead you places you’d rather not go. A lot of times we just miss the companionship and look for someone to fill the gap in our schedule and distract us from the fact that our heart’s just been broken. In that case, make a point of finding a social time-filler that doesn’t involve romance.
Maintain your standards
The best thing you can do to avoid getting involved with someone who’s all wrong for you is stick to your standards. In fact, go ahead and raise them a little just to add a safety buffer. If the person you’re thinking about dating is less kind, less intelligent, less anything that you’d normally want, stay away. The people don’t make for good relationships, rebound or otherwise.
Beware of the handiest person
When we look for someone to rebound with, we need someone fast. We don’t have time to “waste” looking for someone we really click with, so we tend to latch on to someone we already know and have at least some rapport with. It might be a close friend, a co-worker, even someone who works at the grocery store down the street. If you find yourself falling for someone you’ve never been the least bit attracted to before, stop and think about what’s really going on here.
Take time for yourself
Instead of filling your time with go-nowhere dates, get out and make some new friends (that’s “friends,” not “lovers.” There’s a difference.) Get involved in something you’ve always wanted to do but never had time for. Whatever you do, don’t sit around pining for your ex or scouring the bookstore shelves for self help books.
Be gentle with yourself.
Even if your not sobbing into your pillow every night, the end of a relationship will naturally make you feel a little bummed out and low on energy. Take that into account and try not to start any major projects for a few weeks. Instead, treat yourself to some time out to do something you enjoy.
Of course, not every rebound relationship ends up a disaster. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a fun fling. If you do decide to get involved with someone after a breakup, though, make sure you’ve taken a little off by yourself and you’re not lowering your standards. While we can prevent broken relationships: rebound dates gone wrong are easy to avoid.
Tags: Broken Relationships, rebound relationships
Posted by Men Secrets on Dec 28, 2008 in
Relationships How Can You Overcome Communication Problems In Relationships
Communication problems in relationships are so common that no matter how great you and your sweetie get along, you’re bound to run into some miscommunication somewhere along the line. The good news is, with the right approach, these problems usually aren’t too hard to solve.
Bridge the gender divide!
Men and women approach relationships in distinctly different ways. Without and open mind, it’s all too easy to write the opposite gender off as “illogical” or even start thinking of their differences as childish or petty. The fact is neither gender is perfectly logical. Taking some time to learn about exactly how the opposite gender looks at love matters can help you avoid a lot of problems in relationships.
Listen thoughtfully!
Don’t forget that you’re one half of the communication problem. When you’ve been together for a while, you might start to think you know what your partner is going to say. Unless you have ESP, though, you’ll get a lot farther by actually hearing your partner out. When sweetie tells you something, restate what they said to make sure you understood correctly and let them know you heard.
Release the need for blame!
When one of you has a problem, the relationship has a problem and it’s in both your best interests to work it out peacefully.
Instead of going around in circles trying to decide whose fault it is, focus on how you’re going to solve it. Likewise, try to avoid blaming your partner for your overall mood. Specific issues like “When you flirt with other people, I feel rejected.” are fine, but sweeping statements like “You make me miserable.” or “You stress me out.” are taking it too far.
Stick to the facts!
When trying to talk over problems in relationships, don’t bring up any thing you can’t prove. Instead, stay with what can’t be argued like your own feelings and what your partner already agrees they do. For example, saying “You disrespected me in front of my friends.” can be argued because standards of respect differ. On the other hand, saying “I was embarrassed when you told Dave you don’t think I should ask for a raise.” is not only unarguable, but also gets your point across more clearly.
Be frank, but kind!
You’re not doing anyone any favors by taking a “put up and shut up” attitude to problems in relationships. All you end up doing is allowing wounds to fester and they can eventually reach the point where they’ll never heal at all. Instead, speak your mind when you have a problem, but do so with gentleness, kindness, and respect. Remember, your partner probably isn’t trying to hurt or annoy you and may be pretty upset to hear you’re unhappy.
Be a friend, not a coach!
Chances are, your partner isn’t with you because they’re hoping you can correct all their bad habits and personality flaws. You’re not their parent, teacher, coach, or boss. You’re their friend and lover.
You may think you’re giving constructive criticism, but your partner might think your love or respect for them has diminished because of this one little flaw they have. Instead of criticizing, encourage improvement by giving your partner some positive feedback when they do something you really like.
There, that doesn’t sound too hard, does it? These techniques may be simple, but the really do work to solve communication problems in relationships. Give them a try.
Tags: Communication Problems, Problems In Relationships
Posted by Men Secrets on Dec 26, 2008 in
Relationships It’s one of the main topics of love advice: relationship problems. In fact, with all the tips and hints out there, you’d think solving problems in a relationship requires scientific formula you need a PhD to understand.
The reality is, though, when you catch problems early and use plenty of patience and fairness, there are only a few steps you need to take to get things straightened out.
Identify the cause
Sometimes the cause of trouble in a relationship is obvious. It might be problems with money, the kids, or a certain habit one of you has that really irks the other. A lot of the time, though, there’s just a niggling sense that something isn’t right. Maybe there’s less romance, less physical affection, and a feeling of growing apart. In cases like this, you’ll need to look a little deeper to figure out what the root of your problem really is. Knowing this will make it a lot easier to use love advice: relationship problems don’t all have the same cause.
Pick your battles
Give some serious thought to whether the problem is really worth bringing up. You may decide the fact that your partner routinely leaves wet towels on the floor or even occasionally pays a bill a day or two late isn’t something you want to rock the boat over. On the other hand, if something your partner does leaves you feeling hurt or rejected or is causing serious financial or social problems, it’s a good idea to bring the issue up. That way you won’t give resentment a chance to grow.
Time it right
If you’ve decided you really do need to talk about an issue, pick a good time (or at least not a really bad time). Just remember, when one of you is stressed out or tired is not a good time to start a discussion about a serious problem.
Don’t ambush your partner, either. Pouncing on them with a heavy issue just gives the conversation a confrontational edge from the outset. Instead of the old “We need to talk,” try something less confrontational like “Honey, do you have a couple minutes to talk about something?”
Be gentle
Winning is not be the goal here. The goal is improving—or in some cases, saving—the relationship. If one of you is impatient, harshly critical, insulting you both lose.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you need to talk to your partner like they’re a three-year-old. Just talk to them with the same level of respect you would
Although it may sound like “softy” love advice, relationship problems don’t generally improve when one partner is aggressive.
Accept your share of the blame
Over all, it’s better to focus on solving the problem rather than riding the “Who started it” merry-go-round. That said, you still need to accept that something about your own behavior may need to change, too. Listen to your partner’s side of the story with an open mind and be willing to negotiate fairly. Of course, you still need to keep your personal boundaries as far as not accepting physical or emotional abuse.
Although the steps above should help you work out most common problems, keep reading up on how to resolve conflict in your relationship so you’ll know how to handle any serious issues that may come along. When it comes to love advice, relationship problems are one of the hottest topics, so you shouldn’t have any trouble finding some good tips.
Tags: love advice, relationship problems
Posted by Men Secrets on Dec 25, 2008 in
Dating Are you a senior aged individual looking for a date? There are people of all ages who are turning to the internet for help with finding a date. Finding a date at your age, just because you are a senior citizen, does not have to be impossible, or even a challenge for that matter. Finding a date as a senior is actually very simple when you consider how many different senior dating service options are out there.
Most senior people who are looking for a date will consider something like a senior dating service. If you throw the search term “senior dating service” into your favorite search engine, you will come up with plenty of results. There are already a large number of massive scale dating services out there, so now many of the newer dating services are niche dating services that are meant to reach out to a specific target market or demographic. For this reason, you have two different options when it comes to finding love in a senior dating service:
1) You can choose a massive scale dating service that caters to all age groups equally,
2) You can choose a senior dating service with preference for senior citizen members, giving you a much more targeted response.
The upside to the idea of using a senior dating website that is specifically aimed at the senior citizen crowd is that all of the members on a senior dating service website are going to be over the age of 50. The downside, however, tends to be that some senior dating service prices are difficult to manage. If you are paying a significant amount of money for a senior dating service, then it would make no sense if you were not finding sufficient numbers of members in your own city or area. On the other hand, if you live in a well populated city or state where there are plenty of members on these senior dating services, and you do not mind the costs that are associated with the membership, then these senior dating service options can be ideal solutions for you.
On the other hand, you may want to consider joining general dating sites simply so you can get a much larger variety of results from people who are seniors and people who are not. The upside is that most of these general dating sites offer free memberships, and membership upgrades generally do not cost nearly as much as the niche membership sites and senior dating sites do. Most large scale general dating sites are so popular, you should have no trouble finding seniors in your area. These dating sites and dating services are so popular, their size means that there will be plenty of singles for you to meet no matter how old you are or what age you are looking for in a partner.
When you are looking for a senior partner, a senior dating service is a good idea, but general dating sites are also a possibility for you to consider.
Tags: Senior Dating, Senior Dating Service
Posted by Men Secrets on Dec 25, 2008 in
Dating Are you sure about how to put together a profile for the dating website that will attract people to your profile? Are you aware of what you should write about and what is worth leaving out? This guide to writing your profile for a fellowship site will give you a good push in the right direction.
The first question that you need to ask yourself is this: Why are you writing your personal dating website profile?
Tackling your profile for one of these sites can be challenging if you do not know what you are looking for when it comes to dating online. The foremost important concept is to be clear about why you are writing a personal profile for a date in the first place.
Are you writing dating profile for fun and pleasure? Are you looking to lure just potential dates? Or are you trying to catch a potential suitor so that you can be married? This may sound cold and scheming but it’s important.
The reason why you are creating an online profile in the first place is the first detail that should determine how you write your profile. If you want your profile to be interesting and inviting, then you need to be able to attract the people who are a good match for you.
When you have decided to finally bite the bullet and write your online dating website profile, you should hold back the need to feel embarrassed and simply pour your heart out into the perfect profile. If you want people to become enamored by you, you should be frank, honest and upfront. Don’t include a lot of irrelevant details, but do make a point to talk about yourself in enough details that likeminded people on the same online dating website will be intrigued by you and want to learn more information.
Writing the perfect online dating website profile begins with taking an inventory of what makes you unique and interesting. Everyone is one of a kind, but it is hard to show people what makes you one of a kind unless you can create a profile that shows why.
What makes you unique? What makes you tick? Why are you different from everyone else on the internet, or everyone else in the world? Describe everything you find important, like your ambitions, your dreams, your desires and your attitudes. Talk about your most important likes and dislikes, turn ons and turnoffs (not necessarily in bed), and any other details you can think of in order to give an accurate picture of who you are and what you’re all about.
This is the best way to create an online dating website profile that will attract people to you and give you a variety of interesting new people to talk to online.
Tags: Online Dating Profile
Posted by Men Secrets on Dec 23, 2008 in
Relationships Is There Hope To Save A Marriage
With divorce as common as it is these days, it’s easy to understand why so many with marital troubles start to wonder, “Is there hope to save a marriage once it really hits the skids? Is there really no turning back?”
The good news is that there are realistic reasons to believe that you can bring your marriage back from the brink of divorce. Not only that, but you can use the opportunity to build an even closer and richer relationship than you had before. So the answer to the question, “Is there hope to save a marriage?” is definitely “Yes!”
Second chances work!
In the late 1980’s, the National Survey of Families and Households in the US tracked 645 spouses who rated their marriages as “unhappy.” The survey found that those who agreed to put off divorce and give the marriage a second chance rated their marriage as “happy” five years later. Sometimes it’s just a matter of taking a deep breath and agreeing to invest some time
in working through your problems.
Where’s the love?
Marriage counselors rely on the fact that no matter how much some couples argue, most still have a basic respect and concern for each other. After all, unless you’re in an arranged marriage, you chose your partner because you saw a good amount of positive qualities in them. Those qualities are still there, even though you might not see them as clearly today or other less appetizing personality traits have cropped up in front of them. If you can remember the good times, you stand a good chance of reviving the positive feelings you had for each other and using those as a springboard for making up.
You can change things by yourself!
One of the biggest misconceptions about rescuing a marriage is that both sides have to want to save it. While it’s true that both sides have to give up the idea of divorce eventually, one spouse alone can still take steps to turn things around and buy a little time while the other reconsiders. The reason is that if you change your approach to your spouse, they’ll naturally change their behavior, too, and you start a positive cycle of improvement.
Right advice helps!
The trouble with relying on your own judgment alone to make up with your spouse is that you’re too close to the problem. To make matters worse, this is such an emotionally charged issue that even the most stable, logical person can easily overreact. That’s why having input from a knowledgeable, neutral third party is so invaluable. A marriage counselor is the obvious choice, but if you can’t afford one or your partner refuses to go, there are other sources of advice such as the marriage self-help ebooks available online or at your local bookstore.
Before you start thinking the only answer to the question, “Is there hope to save a marriage?” is “No,” take a deep breath and look at the realities. If you can get your spouse to agree to work out your problems together, you stand an excellent chance of avoiding divorce. Even if you’re the only one who wants to stay together, though, you can still turn things around just by changing your own behavior.
Tags: divorce, Save A Marriage, Saving A Marriage
Posted by Men Secrets on Dec 21, 2008 in
Relationships Your girlfriend probably won’t walk out on you because you left your socks on the floor, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still a few critical factors that, if ignored, could have her heading for the door. Even if you think you know what makes your girlfriend tick, you may be surprised at some of the things you’ve been overlooking.
Express your love!
I know what you’re thinking: “But I do show my love! I bought her a…” Stop right there. Unfortunately, material gifts and even the amount of time and energy you spend helping go right over some women’s heads. Many women don’t truly feel loved unless they hear the “I love you” fairly frequently.
No, your girlfriend hasn’t forgotten all the nice things you’ve done; she just thinks maybe your feelings have changed since then. Yeah, that’s right: since yesterday. See, the thing is women continually re-assess their relationships. Men tend to get comfortable and assume if there are no fights, then everything’s dandy. That’s exactly how so many guys get blindsided by break ups introduced with “Honey, we need to talk.”
So go ahead and tell her in so many words that you love her. If you have a hard time saying it, write a little note and slip it in her wallet or stick it on the bathroom mirror. If that’s still a little to awkward for you, make a point of thanking her for something routine like making dinner or acknowledging something she’s done well.
Listen!
Imagine starting an important conversation with your girlfriend or wife only to notice her staring into space as you talk. Wouldn’t you feel a little rejected? This is the same situation a lot of women face with their boyfriends or husbands, who often don’t even notice they’re spacing out. When you’re girlfriend talks, try to put aside what your doing and really listen.
That doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have some quiet time to yourself, though. Whether you’re trying to finish a report for work the next day or just want to watch the game, if you gently explain that you’d rather have the chat at a later time, a real lady will give you your space.
Use honesty wisely!
As much as we may want to believe honesty is the best policy, anyone with a little life experience will tell you it isn’t always. While outright lies are a no-no, a little tact and diplomacy can go a long way towards keeping peace in the house.
What that means is the correct answer to “Do I look fat in this?” is not “No, you look 10 pounds lighter,” but something like “Can’t say. You look good to me no matter what you wear.” Sound corny? Try it sometime and I bet you’ll like the result.
Being tactful doesn’t mean you should keep quite about things that really bother you, though. It’s better to bring problems to light in than let your resentment simmer and risk blowing up at her one day.
When both partners are willing have a little patience and keep an open mind, love relationships don’t have to been filled with frustration and drama. Get some good relationship advice for men, from the right source and your relationships should be smooth sailing from here on out.
Tags: girlfriends, keep my girlfriends
Posted by Men Secrets on Dec 20, 2008 in
Relationships I Want To Save My Marriage What Am I Doing Wrong
I really want to save my marriage, but nothing I try seems to work!” If that sounds like the thoughts you’ve been having lately, don’t worry, you’re not alone. Whether it’s due to well meaning bad advice or just reacting on emotion, there are thousands of us who’ve made mistakes that just end up pushing our partners farther away. Once you have an idea of where you might be going wrong, though, you have a much better chance of healing your marriage.
Pressuring your spouse!
It’s all too easy to do when you’re stressed out, but threatening or guilting rarely help matters. One of the most common forms of pressure is begging. You may not get down on your knees and wail, but if you’re pleading, crying, telling your spouse you can’t live without them or that they’ll destroy the kids’ lives, it still amounts to emotional blackmail.
Another thing to avoid is trying to pressure your spouse into counseling. Instead of pushing, appeal to logic. For instance, you might say something like “Considering all the time we’ve invested in each other, isn’t it worth a few hours of counseling to save that?
Apologizing too much!
There’s nothing wrong with apologizing for mistakes you know you made, especially when you have a plan to help you keep from making them again. The problem comes in when you apologize for things you didn’t even do. It sounds insincere at best and mocking at worse. It also makes you look desperate, which is hardly attractive.
More importantly, it doesn’t solve anything. Accept your responsibility for 50% of the problems and acknowledge that you have some issues you need to work out together, but if you mean it when you say, “I want to save my marriage,” don’t take more than your fair share of the blame.
Jumping to conclusions!
Even if you’ve lived with your spouse for decades and think you can read them like a book, you cannot read their mind. Don’t assume you know how your spouse feels and why they feel that way. After all, it’s possible your spouse has been burying certain emotions about your relationship or unrelated events in the past that are interfering with the present.
Dishonesty!
Needless to say, lies do nothing to build emotional intimacy. Whether you’re hiding your feelings, facts about important events in your past, or your financial details, it all goes to drive a wedge between and your spouse. I’m not talking about those little white lies like “No, honey, I don’t think you’ve put on weight.” There’s plenty of room for those. What I mean is something that has an effect on the relationship beyond the next 30 seconds like lying about your needs in the bedroom or for time to yourself.
Waiting and hoping!
This is probably the biggest mistake of them all, yet it’s also the easiest to fix. So many people wait and hope things will work themselves out eventually. In the meantime, you and your partner are growing farther apart and any resentment only grows deeper. Marital problems don’t solve themselves anymore than they cause themselves. To save a marriage that’s headed for divorce, you need to take concrete action now.
If you’ve heard yourself say “I want to save my marriage!” a few too many times, it’s very possible you’re making some of the mistakes most couples make when their marriage hits a rough patch.
Tags: marriage, save my marriage