Posted by Men Secrets on May 26, 2009 in
Relationships Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you have trust. Trust is one of those tricky things that need to be earned. The good news is that it is easy to earn and build when you do certain things, especially together.
For example did you know that when you communicate with someone 80% is seen and not heard? That is right they are looking at your body language to help them internally gauge what you are saying. So if you are lying they can tell, maybe not 100% but their will be suspicion and that does not lead to trust. So just be honest and truthful in everything you say.
Everyone is good at certain things and obviously we are all different so hold back the hurtful comments and remarks you might make at your partners expense because they do not know how to operate your super advanced home theater system. Let them figure it out or help when they ask and they will love you more for it than if you were to be mean to them.
Do not bother hiding anything because it will come across in your body language just come out and be truthful if you feel like you should say something then do it, even if it is a secret. If you hold it back your actions around them will reflect this and they will not trust you.
Despite what you think men and women are not psychic. So if there is a problem or you need something, SAY IT, regardless of how you feel about whether they should know or not. Trust me, they don’t and they won’t until you tell them.
Learn to stop saying yes. You do not have to please every request and it is ok to say no, on the same note do not hold back on your yes’s. If you are continually saying no you will push people and you partner away from you.
These simple things can be done a daily basis and can help you build a great deal of trust in your relationship.
Tags: Trust
Posted by Men Secrets on May 13, 2009 in
Dating Breaking up is not fun. It is hard, lonely, and sad but that is normal. Staying that way is not. You need to learn how to move on or you are going to be sad and miserable for a long time when you could be happy and enjoying life instead.
So what can you do? Well don’t dwell on the past, the relationship, the break up, or the person just look ahead. If you spend all your time thinking about what you could of, should of, or would have done then you are wasting your time and life instead of moving forward. Have you ever noticed when you are sad, everything is horribly? But when you are truly happy nothing can bring you down?
What about getting back together with your ex? While it might be pursuing it is not worth it unless you both have changed and even then you should be wary of how long it will last. Most people change but sometimes it is not enough and sometimes people change into a person we can no longer get along with and this is normal.
Now what then? You can not get your ex back or maybe you should not. Maybe you can turn a frown upside down but it is hard right? Yes, and it may be for a little while depending on how close you were but just understand that that relationship will help make your next one stronger and better and that you only have one way left to go and that is up so stop being so sad.
Moving on always sounds easier that it is. You may have mixed feelings about moving on and dating again and if you are not sure let me give you a small piece of advice. Find some time to get to know yourself, not the unhappy you. Find yourself and what makes you happy and learn to love life, because if you just enjoy being alive other people will be attracted to that and you will make more friends and it will be easier for you to move on.
Tags: Break Up
Posted by Men Secrets on May 11, 2009 in
Relationships Making Healthy Relationships Possible. Life is one great big workout. We strive to keep a balance on the things that are in it and often find ourselves burned out. We often have to juggle our time between our personal needs and the demands of our career that we sometimes find ourselves breathless, as if we had to focus all our energies into fulfilling all our duties. The 24 hours that are allotted to us each day is just not enough. We encounter problems and try to take every single setback with a grain of salt. The truth, however, is that life is what we make of it.
Part of life’s experience is that we encounter relationships that sour over time. Let this be a learning experience. In the end, there are just some things we cannot control, things that are out of our hands. For relationships to remain healthy, we need to look at ourselves first.
We must evaluate our actions and see what caused the problem in the first place. We can start by evaluating ourselves before implementing the changes from within. We cannot control the actions of other people. So instead of dwelling on what we cannot be in command of, we have to work on what we can change. It’s imperative for all of us to know the things that will enable us to become a friend, a colleague, and a partner that we want to become.
The first thing to assess is our worth and the value we have as a person. Are we the kind of friend to go the extra mile? Are we good confidants? Do we take our friends’ needs into consideration? These are only a few of the many questions we can ask ourselves. When the answer always leads to the negative, then maybe it’s high time that we think of our nature.
The next thing to do is measure our level of commitment. Oftentimes, we don’t equate the longevity of our relationships with the kind of person we are. Of course, every situation is unique. We meet people along the way, and not many of them make ideal friends. The thing is, we have to know the cause for the breakdown of every bond we’ve created.
Then, we also weigh these against the relationships that have actually worked. We must commit ourselves to every association we find beneficial. What gets us through life’s rough patches are the people that we’ve helped. After all, no man is an island. We need support during the most difficult of times, and the only way to make this possible is to become a true friend to the people we have in our lives.
When all is said and done, we should know and realize that we are good people. We deserve these friendships because we don’t expect anything from them in return. People are naturally inclined to show kindness to those who are genuine with their deeds. As long as we stay true to ourselves, we can also say that we are comfortable with whom we are. It’s when we are happy that we create ideal relationships.
Tags: Healthy Relationships
Posted by Men Secrets on May 11, 2009 in
Relationships Have you ever seen a dog have an anxiety attack when their owner leaves? Or maybe seen a child leave their mom for the first time and you see the child or sometimes the mom start to cry and get nervous. Almost like they are in withdrawal?
Well you may not realize it but you might be addicted to love as well. Thankfully it is curable and you do not have to go to a rehab center to help you get over the addiction. The first thing you need to know are some of the signs, the better you can understand yourself the more you can prepare yourself against the addiction.
One of the major signs of love addiction is an unwavering determination to be around the person at all times. You will cancel appointments, skip out on friends, and even blow off your family just to be around them. If you find yourself overly eager to be around them then you are on your way to being addicted.
How about control? Do you feel you are out of control or things are going hectic if you can not control the other person’s actions or account for their whereabouts at all times? You may just be a very controlling person but if you were not like this before and you find yourself like this now then you need to start to rethink who you are.
One more biggie is feeling like you need to be around the person all the time. Wanting to be around someone is normal but needing to the point where you are freaking out or losing control is a big “no no” and one of the best signs of knowing you are addicted.
So what can you do? That is easy, pay attention to yourself and see how you are acting if you think you are getting addicted give yourself a little break or change the way you behave so you can kick the habit. Being in love is good, being addicted to love is bad.
So pay attention to your behavior, your friends and family and make sure you watch what you do.
Tags: addicted, Love
Posted by Men Secrets on May 3, 2009 in
Online Dating Just like regular real-world relationships, online dating relationships need tending, to grow over time. Here are some quick growing tips.
- Take time and make time. Does your online date get in touch with you regularly? Do you do the same? Neglecting virtual meetings can be considered abuse or neglect, so treat each other’s time with respect. If it’s lacking, might mean time to move on.
- Communication needs to “feel” right for both of you. If one of you is too pushy about meeting, for instance, that can give off bad vibes. So don’t rush. Take time to learn more about each other and develop trust.
- Respect each others privacy. Don’t share personal email addresses or digital photos online, for example, if your online date sent you the information in confidence.
- Share special online and offline fun times. Online – send greeting cards, links to favorite places to upload digital photos of your favorite pet, download music and video clips, post on favorite forums of interest. Offline- if you’re exchanging addresses or post office boxes, send print greeting cards and postcards, small items from your area (like a key chain with your state bird).
Tend your online relationship. Water it with care and over time it can sprout and grow.
Tags: Online Dating
Posted by Men Secrets on May 1, 2009 in
Relationships Did you know that you have two ears and one mouth? Trust me, barring some tragedy that is what you come with. Why is this important? Well besides the scientific reasons we can use this two to one ratio for our relationships. For example, you should listen twice as much as you talk.
You might go through life and not realize you are not actually listening to anybody you are just waiting for your turn to talk. We are all guilty of this at some point in time. But when you are in a relationship you need to follow this rule. Listen twice as much as you talk. I do mean listen to, spend some time not worrying about what you are going to say and just sit down and pay attention. Men tend to have this problem more than women, but just because they do it more does not mean women do not do it at all.
If you have kids, or just friends you will find that your relationships can be stronger with them by listening to them. Do not dismiss what a person has to say because they feel it is important to tell you what it is that is on their mind. Even if it is gibberish if you spend the time to listen to them you will be more valued by them.
If you seem to be in a rocky relationship it could be because communication has broken down and the main reason for this was you were both two busy speaking twice as much as you were listening. You need to understand what they are saying and why and then respond with carefully chosen words and not whatever flies into your head first.
This two to one ration can work wonders for your relationships. Give twice as much love as you want to receive, hug twice as much as you normally want to, and of course pay attention twice as much as you want to. The more you give the more you will receive sooner than you think, so open up your ears and shut your mouth for a change. It might just do what you need it to for your relationship.
Tags: Listening
Posted by Men Secrets on May 1, 2009 in
Online Dating Online dating can be fun. But don’t neglect safety and common sense when you try to hook up with a mate. At minimum, take caution in the following areas.
Protect Your Computer
Take care of your equipment and systems before you head out into the Internet realm. You need to have a firewall and anti-virus protection for your email and for when you search websites and interact online. At the bare minimum, you may want these two solutions that are offered at no charge to home computer users (i.e. not for commercial use):
Free Firewall Download: ZoneAlarm
Free Anti-Virus Download: AVG Anti-Virus
Protect Yourself
Take care of yourself, too, by choosing appropriate dating sites. Seek and choose a reputable online dating service. How? Begin by asking around with friends, neighbors, co-workers and others you may know who have tried online dating, and see which places they recommend. In addition, search “online dating services” and keep a notebook of their URLs or website links, the fees, rules and regulations, complete contact information of each and any other useful information that spikes your interest. Then compare each place. Try only those places where you feel safe. Avoid the others.
So take care. Arm your computer – and yourself- with the correct tools and knowledge!
Tags: Online Dating